Personal Journal (1)
I am not sure why I want to share my personal journal, or how much of it I will share at this point. I want to help people understand my journey. Hopefully those of you who are ill can relate and not feel alone and those of you who are not ill can understand what we go through a bit better. I am also afraid of hurting my family, because as I read through my notes, I was not exactly myself. I was hurting and very ill, but still trying to manage being a wife, mom, grandma, daughter in law, daughter and friend along with so much more!
Some of my journaling is typed on an old i pad. I have notebooks and notepads all over with notes written. As I read through my notes I was originally off by a month on when I stopped taking prednisone. I was sure it was February 2014, but it was January 2014. I may not post these journal notes in any order. I usually started out with a bible verse.
January 15, 2014 (8 months after diagnosis)
He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Psalms 1:3
Today I started yet another journal. This is my 2nd day not taking prednisone. I am hoping all goes well. It has been a very rough couple of months. At this point I think I have had some depression setting in and I want to change that. At this point I know I cannot change my husband, my children, my in-laws, my parents, etc. I can only worry about my health and my attitude.
I have been so sore and achy for a couple of months now. Others may call it pain; I just don’t know. Pain is what I suffered a couple of months ago with my right hip and leg muscles. I have never experienced that much pain and I hope I will never have to bear it ever again.
Today I did about 20 minutes of Yoga. Boy have I regressed! I also had sautéed spinach and a grapefruit for breakfast. I will also take my supplements today. I started working with my Chiropractor and joined a support group on line. I started a new eating plan called the “paleo plan”. I am not going full out but trying several suggestions.
I am going to the Kohler water spa tonight with my daughter and her mother in law.
I am also going to try and get outside once a day. In this climate it is not easy. I need sunshine!
With Jesus’s strength and love, I will win this battle!
It felt good to go outside and shovel the back deck and the front porch. Hands got cold but loved the fresh air.
Lunch I had leftover lasagna (gluten free noodles). I also had roasted broccoli and cauliflower. I did cheat!!!! I am so mad!!!! I had around 5 chocolate covered almonds. I cannot have nuts and sugar! I will keep trying!
Off to the spa.
Home from the spa. Very good 80-minute massage. I hope I can sleep well tonight. I enjoyed my time with my Allie and her mother-in-law.
As I look back on this early writing, I remember having to stay home from my God son’s Jamaica wedding. This was emotionally hard for me, especially tapering off the prednisone. Missing that wedding was one of the hardest things I thought (at the time), that I could go through. Thank God for understanding family, even though I am not sure they really understood. I had body aches, fatigue, joint pain and depression. At times I thought I was going crazy.
It was only a month or so into my research on diet and healing, therefore I was just starting to test out a few things. I do remember that the tapering off the prednisone was not a fun thing to go through. In fact, I promised myself I would never take it ever again. So far, I have kept that promise. I know my family could not have known what I was going through. I did not know at the time but, after a few months I realized what I put my husband through. He was feeling so helpless, watching his formally strong wife (physically and emotionally) crumbling before his eyes. I tried so hard to eat properly, get outside (January in Wisconsin!), and try to get some exercise in a very difficult time. Again, this is taking courage to put myself out there, but I feel so strong about telling others about my journey. As I share my private journal with you, I pray my family and friends will understand that it was a very dark and difficult time in my life. I am not sure how I would have made it through without the love of Christ and the support of my family and friends.